I usually act first and think later. My birthday is in May so that means I am a Taurus which makes me a Bull. I have liked myself to a Bull in a China Shop many times because as I said I act first and think later more often than not. The last couple of days though I am not feeling quite so rambunctious. In fact, I would be quite happy to crawl in a hole where I am safe, warm and the rest of the world could go on around me without my participation. I am not mad, sad, disenchanted or any other negative feeling. I am just "blah". I feel as if I am bracing myself, or rather I am trying to and the world around me is still trying to require my participation. My surgery is in 9 days and a wake up. I'm trying not to panic and really there is no "logical" reason to panic. I have been through much worse before and by the grace of God lived through it and been just fine.
I think my stress is happening because I am thinking about the people whose job it will be to look after me after the surgery. Will they treat me the way they would want to be treated if it were themselves or a family member? Will I get treated as if I am just a job someone is too tired to do well. Will they even know I am there? Will they be competant? These things might sound silly coming from someone who has been through as many operations as I have but the last couple of times I got operated on I went these very things. I am always harping on people to let God have control. I guess I need to put my money where my mouth is and be confident that God will take care of me.
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