I crammed food into my mouth all day yesterday. I wasn't hungry. In truth, I was full. I didn't want anything to eat but I couldn't stop. I am pretty sure it is because I have a bad habit of self destructing when I don't have something productive to do. Now, with that said, there are many things I could have done to pass the time. I could have painted, finished my latch hook pillow, read...but none of that struck my fancy. I spent the whole day feeling misplaced. Why? Life went on for my friends. They either went back to work or are on vacation. My daughter is another one on vacation and so that leaves me with nothing to "do". But, what about those things I just listed, you ask? Those things seem inconsequential because they don't involve another person. Just me.
I guess I still have some more self image work to do because I still feel like I am of little use to this planet unless I am adding my 2 cents to someone else's life. Most of my friends have significant others. I miss having that person in my life. With that said, I know I am not ready for it because I am not happy being me. I mean, I have started to carve out a "me" but because that "me" isn't like everyone else I know I somehow feel like it will never be good enough and so sometimes I lose the motivation to try. I need to find some.
Yes, you do! Need to find some motivation, that is. Oh and also, you put limits on yourself as far as what's good enough.The point isn't about being good enough for others, it's about being good enough for yourself to be happy!
ReplyDelete