So, I go to bed last night and flip through the channels and I find that Alvin and the Chipmunks, the movie, is on. It had been on for an hour already but bless the cable company's heart they have enabled my remote with a Start Over feature so that's what I did. I was gonna watch a movie and relax. I had the best of intentions anyway..
I laid there and watched. I tried to concentrate. The longer I watched the more uneasy I got. It seems rediculous that watching a movie about 3 talking chipmunks could make 1 uneasy. However, it did and I'll tell you why. The movie was not realistic. Not in the least. I seem to have trouble enjoying things that aren't rooted in "reality" I gave this some thought this morning. If I relax I then run the risk of becoming vulnerable. If I become vulnerable I may get hurt.
I don't want to hurt anymore. Having said that, I know that in order to let go of the pain from the past I need to be willing to become vulnerable. There is so much in my head, some of it well over 30 years old. It needs to go. I'm not sure why I hang on to some of it. A couple friends have shared with me ways they've let go of some things, feelings, situations, whatever. I decided that would be a good exercise for me. I have decided to use an ice cube. Some days I will just put it in a glass and let it melt. Other days I will find something to beat the crap out of it with. I hope to get to the point that when the ice is gone then so it whatever I have assosciated with it on that day. Sadness, rage, insecurity..and the list goes on.
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