The end of another year...

 About this time last year I was thinking about how I didn't want the year to end because it hadn't been all that bad a year and being that I am superstitious or I should say I was about this time last year, I thought that 2011 couldn't be as good a year because I like even numbers better :) Honestly, I felt some, ok, alot of trepidation about the coming year because quite frankly I anticipated change that I didn't know how to deal with. I had decided not to make any New Years Resolutions because I never keep them. So, why set myself up to fail? So, as you can see, as per my usual, there were alot of oxymorons going on in my head toward the end of last year. Enter 2011, drum-roll please?
 I started the year searching out people from my past on Facebook of all places. People whom knew me when I was a kid and in whom I had found solace, love, and acceptance. In finding those people again not only did I renew friendships but I also had a renewing of my hunger for God because it was those people who showed me God in my youth. I am glad to say I found Him again in 2011 too :) I started remembering who I was as a child/teenager and I discovered something. Some days, not much has changed in the last 20+ years. Some days I don't feel like I am almost 39 with a daughter about to enter her teen years. Sometimes I feel like a scared, vulnerable, insecure me. I am glad to say I don't feel that way all the time. As much as I found people and things to hold onto in 2011 I did as much letting go. I let go of ideas that were in my head that I had planted out a need to feel safe. In 2011 I learned that I only need faith in God and also I need to have some faith in me. I have spent too much of my life looking at myself as damaged merchandise. God loves me and has a purpose for me. I need to show up so that purpose can be lived out. I still screw up and put my eyes on the wrong things and or people sometimes. When this happens I try to thank God for my blessings. All I have, all I have been given and for all I will be given in the future. Be it material, emotional, spiritual. whatever I need..it will be there. I am a work in progress. I have found some new friends this year to go along with the friends I have had for years and those old ones that are new again :) They have really become a big part in the patch work quilt that is my life.
 The last half of the year I got alot of my independence back. I can dress and undress myself, get in and out of bed, take the dog out, get in the shower, go to the bathroom by myself and I am probably forgetting something but the point is that I have made major progress in this area. I hope next year I make as many strides emotionally as I have this year physically. As I look back over the year, that is really where I see that I didn't so well, emotionally. Here's to next year!