Saturdays

 I'm sitting here thinking about how I woke up with that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. The same as I do most Saturdays.  In large part because I have to act like an adult  when I really don't feel like an adult. I can't put into words how tough that is. They say feelings aren't facts which is true. Thank God, but with that said, my feelings suffocate me, often times. The fear of being a failure or disappointment is all-consuming.
 Today, I started reading a book that's basically about why I turned out the way I have and what I as the adult in charge of me now has to do to fix what has been broken. I "feel" ill-equipped to do this but I know it's the truth. I do believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to quit avoiding going through the tunnel.
  I am a believer in the premise that God won't put anymore on me then I can handle without His help. More often then I care to admit I don't ask for His help but instead depend on my own or somebody elses "human strength. Bad idea.. I don't mean it's a bad idea to depend on ourselves at times and to let people be there for us but it's a bad idea not to ask God to show me the way.