Parallels

This has been a great day. I have been upbeat all day. I ate well. I started reading a book. Then all of a sudden something became perfectly clear to me and now I feel like I can't breathe. Here's what became clear. I have been single since May 17, 2009. As my followers know, my ex is still my roommate. Anyway, since that day in 2009 I have kept my phone on silent. Never really had a good reason. Tonight, as I was reading a book and a page talked about the ringing of a phone it hit me why I keep my phone on silent. I feel like my ex emotionally abandoned me. I say emotionally cause physically she is still here. When we first started seeing each other I asked her a question. "Will you ever walk away?" She responded with "Just long enough to feel like I have some power". She lied. She abandoned me and to this day says I forced her away by my behavior. I guess I am still angry. Now, for the parallel.
In 2001, my mother had just found out I was in a gay relationship. About that time, I had to have brain surgery. May 23, was the date. I guess May is not a good month. Well, except it's my birthday month too. The day of the surgery came. I had told my then partner (different girl) that I wanted her to make all major decisions and I wanted my doctor to communicate with her because I don't trust my mom. Anyway, this didn't please my mother. I understand that. So, while I was under anesthesia my mother gets mad and leaves and the first words I hear upon waking up were "Your mom got mad and left" She abandoned me. Did I make her do it by making the choices I did? Is all of this my fault?